edge of the continent

I didn’t think that learning of someone’s political leanings would change how I viewed them in an overall sense. I had long believed that when presented with an individual of differing political views, we may discover a mutual understanding of where the other is coming from through rational discourse. We could have a beer and a good laugh and continue to enjoy our many commonalities, such as our mutual affection for Wong Kar-Wai films and uncluttered kitchen countertops.

Since Black Tuesday (or Red Tuesday, if you will), I’ve come to learn that three people I truly admire, respect, and care for are long-time Republicans who voted for Bush. I must admit that my initial reaction was disbelief and, once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I found myself looking at them differently: not badly, mind you, so much as with a pained, perplexed look on my face. But I suppose I look at most conservatives with a pained, perplexed look on my face.

One is a relative and I am feeling strangely and perhaps irrationally betrayed by the discovery: it’s almost as if I never knew her at all. When asked why she voted for Bush, her response was, “Well, I think that he was relying on poor advice from his advisors during his first term. I thought that a second term would give him a chance to think for himself and come into his own as president.” He didn’t get it right the first time, so let’s give him another shot at it… as if the first term was little more than a dress rehearsal.

- - -

I have family who, when referring to her grandsons, says, “One is a minister, one is a computer consultant, and one is gay.” Gay. As if it’s a profession.

“What do you do?”

“Oh, I’m gay.”

“Nice. Is outsourcing a problem in your industry, too?”

…which leads me to the gay marriage ban amendments. Despite all the advances made in the LGBQT community — the companies offering same-sex benefits, the healthcare initiatives to address medical concerns specific to the gay community, the growth of support groups for gays and their families and friends, increased visibility in all aspects of American life from television to politics, acknowledgment of gay America’s spending power, and gay marriage in Massachusetts and (briefly) Oregon and San Francisco — this is still a country with strong numbers of citizens who feel compelled to write discrimination directly into state law and, ultimately, our federal constitution. I am disappointed and upset that Bush won; that’s a given. But the passage of eleven such amendments — some with such overwhelming margins of victory — has left me angry and embarrassed to be an American.

I suspect that there will be many, many voting problems that will never be fully uncovered and will remain unfixed between now and the next election. I am astounded by the belief that voting machines with no paper trails are a legitimate alternative to paper ballots and optical scans. These things shouldn’t astonish me any longer but the idealist in me is still alive, albeit bruised and bloody and beaten down.

- - -

Hear hear to Mark Morford at SF Gate, explaining why the progressive left needs to put down its luggage, cancel the movers to Canada, and stay for the fight.

The topic of the election came up at lunch today.*

“Have you voted yet? Are you excited about the election?”

“I’ve voted, yeah, but I am feeling a sense of dread deep in my belly. It might be the shrimp stir-fry, but I suspect that it’s actually election-related.”

“Why? Kerry is going to win easily!”

“I disagree. Don’t get me wrong — my fervent hope is for a Kerry victory. But there are a few factors that play a role in my unease: 1) Polls are inherently flawed and ultimately meaningless, but they have indicated that the race will be uncomfortably close, 2) History has shown that our country is not one to right its wrongs so easily — our arrogance, ignorance, and self-righteousness continue to contribute to our downfall, 3) My faith in the power of the universe to balance itself out has been badly tested. On an unrelated note: has anyone noticed that James Carville looks more and more like the son that Billy Bob Thornton and Michael Stipe never had? Can’t. Stop. Staring.”

“Who’s James Carville?”

And like a dark cloud descending upon a sunny meadow, my coworker’s optimism vanished into the shadows.

- - -

On the average election night, I’ll have the television on as background noise to whatever other activities I am engaged in. Tonight, however, I’m actively flipping channels and websurfing for something that looks like hope.

There are other seats and plenty of propositions to consider: our mayoral race is quite interesting — our write-in candidate is leading! — and it appears that we have passed stem-cell legislation and that the three-strikes reform bill is incredibly close. But it is the presidential race that has me glued to newscasts and electoral maps and scathing political blogs, and slowly working my way through a half-rack of beer.

I am fearful. Not in a terror-threat, disease-epidemic, irrational-paranoia, etc. manner, but in a what-will-become-of-us way. Where will Bush’s foreign policy lead us next? Which civil liberties will he dismantle in the name of his war, his convictions, his faith? Looking at the way his administration has changed the landscape of our country in four years, where can we expect to be four years hence?

*conversation run through “incredibly articulate” filter