edge of the continent

Three weeks, two papers, one essay, a possible pop quiz, six chapters, half a book, and three finals to go. At the precise moment I complete my last exam of the semester, I will head to the nearest bar for a shot of whatever can be poured the fastest, then I will frantically pack for an eleven-day escape that I’ve done absolutely no planning for beyond purchasing the airfare. It’s my favorite usual method of travel planning and almost comforting ridiculous in its predictability.

Add into the mix the four large projects at work that are all due the week of exams and I’ve got on my hands a recipe for extraordinary greatness or horrifying disaster. It’s an extreme viewpoint that is heavily dependent upon the time of day, the number of chapters I’m behind, or the unkempt state of my next actions list. The part of me that aims for Balance in my life says that general okay-ness should be enough. She’s getting beat up right about now by the Perfectionist, scaredy-cat me who hasn’t yet untangled her self-worth from her course grades or number of kudos received at the office. I want to equip Balance-me with a bazooka to take out Perfectionist-me, but Pacifist-me keeps getting in the way.

Rather than rake myself over the coals for the possibly rake-worthy decisions I’ve made that have brought me to this place of potential greatness/disaster/okay-ness — taking on one too many classes than is truly manageable given my full-time job, for example — I’ve decided to focus instead on: a) staying as organized as I can, so that b) I can steadily knock out what is crucial and delegate/put off the rest, while c) taking care of myself as well as I can.

Staying organized has grown harder and harder as spring has picked up speed. But in the days before my deadlines, finals, and departure, it’s crucial that I not lose sight of each obligation and goal, particularly for the ones I’m giving to others or putting off until after my return. Despite outward appearances, I’d like very much to have something — a paycheck, good academic standing — to return to.

The more stressed and overloaded I become the worse I take care of myself, which is where “c” comes in: it’s about enforcing the practices of getting plenty of rest, sticking to a sleep/wake routine, eating nutritious meals, staying hydrated, taking the time to meditate, and making room for exercise and fresh air. I’m viewing this time as an opportunity to practice better stress management and self-care under admittedly overwhelming conditions, as my previous habits of binge-TV zoning and excessive cupcake-baking just aren’t cutting it anymore.

So, three weeks to go: stay organized, knock it out, practice good self-care. It’s not a sexy mantra, but I feel fairly good about getting through to the other side where I know that a plane ride awaits. Even if I’m not packed.